Escapism.
It’s been the route of most evil in the human condition.
Alcohol.
Drugs.
Smoking.
Sex.
Gambling.
Addictions
of any kind that take us away from the reality of our lives we are
trying to avoid at any cost because suffering through failure in our
attempts to better those lives is an emotional risk we fear we cannot
bear. It’s as simple as that.
We will delay,
make excuses, feign ignorance, and be busy with everyone and everything else but what
really demands our attention. Worthy goals require certain degrees of
stress to achieve.
There is no quick fix to living your best life.
We
see the positives in achieving those worthy goals, but cannot make
ourselves voluntarily go through the pain and angst that we know will
come in the effort to achieve.
Fear of change.
Fear of risk. Fear of abject failure. It’s what will force one person to
live a sub-par life in avoidance of failure, and
another who will accept and embrace those wholly uncomfortable feelings
for the chance to live life to its fullest.
I’m not exactly sure when the transition happened for myself…
Like
every young human on the block, I, too, thought achieving happiness, at any cost,
was the meaning of a life well lived. I fell for the myth that the
person at the end of their life with the most toys wins. The goal was to
avoid hardship, downturns, and failure, by any means. The best life was
a life where you remained steadfast to the status-quo and not take
risks to up your quality of life. After all, that’s what my WWII parents
did, and it worked okay for them, right? Not really. It turned out for
them and me that to tread upon that predicted, uber-safe path results
in less fulfillment, less contentment, and a litany of regrets. At least I learned this lesson quicker than my parents did, but not in
the predicted way.
It was only when a health
scare forced me to retire early from a career I had studied, worked so
hard for all my young life, that I sat back and altered my definition of happiness, what my life would look like being truly happy — what I truly needed, and
wanted, out of the life I was given, not the life I had dreamed. And that required facing reality and accepting risk. One hell of
a lot of both.
Did I end up failing to achieve goals along the way? Heck, yes.
Did those failures stop me? They slowed me down, sure, but stop me? Never.
With
each failure, I sat back again, re-evaluated my path to my
goals, analyzes my strengths and weaknesses, upped my skills to tackle those
weaknesses, and got back up on that figurative horse, and try, try
again.
I knew all along I was playing with risk.
I knew I was courting the possibility of failure, many failures, in fact.
But I was more afraid of my life not fully lived than my life courting failure.
Does
a surfer head out into the sea assured that they will successfully
catch every wave, balance perfectly through every tube, and come out the
other end as the water conqueror they dreamed? Not even close.
A
surfer plays with risk every single time. They are fit. They are
skilled. They hold the right board for the right conditions. It’s them
versus the waves. It’s their mettle versus Mother Nature, knowing that
Mother N holds the House odds.
If that surfer goes out twenty times, and the first 19, they fall. Won't the successful 20th attempt be that much sweeter for all those falls?
The
above realization always has my mind wandering back to August 9, 1974,
the day when President Nixon gave his farewell speech in the East Room
to his staff before he left the White House for good, a failed President…
“The
greatness comes not when things go always good for you. But the
greatness comes when you’re really tested, when you take some knocks,
some disappointments, when sadness comes. Because only if you’ve been in
the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the
highest mountain.”
Dick Nixon learned the lesson too late. The way I see life is, you're winning if you're not slow, like Dick.
Accept
that living is to take risks. Measured risks. Ones where you've nurtured your talents, developed
your skills and know-how to strive for a better life. Whether you’re a
writer or a plumber or an accountant, we all have the same ability to
Plan, Prepare, Practice and Perfect, embracing the Possibility of
Failure along the way to Success and that elusive Happiness. Risk and Failure are the savory flavors that end up making
the dish. Without them, you are doomed to a life eating pablum.
For me, lately, deadlines have been missed, and goals that were set, not made, because:
- I caught a severe case of Covid. It took me several weeks to return to normal functioning.
- One of my cats became injured and had to have special treatment.
- There was a sudden residential refinancing.
Every
one of these events caught me off guard. They weren’t planned for or
anticipated. All sapped my time and energy and stole my ability to focus
on my literary pursuits. You could call my latest adventure a Triad of
Failure. But,
- My health fully returned.
- My cat is well on the mend.
- And my housing issue has been handed off to professionals and diarized for the future steps still to be taken.
And I’m back on the figurative
horse, or surfing my long board, and trying yet again, completing one
task after another, focusing on each step, not obsessing about the overwhelming by the
Big Picture, on my slow but sure-footed way to reach those risk-laden
goals.
The Key for me — to live a life fraught with risk
with the possibility of greatness is a life I am willing to live over
one free of all risk, merely existing, not thriving, in the safe
status-quo.
Will the unexpected show its ugly face again? You betcha.
Will certain deadlines be missed? Attempts fail? Sadly, yes.
Regardless, will I recover, re-evaluate, and try again? You can be certain.
And maybe on my 20th attempt, there will be that opportunity for reward. And I will savor it.
Without risk, there is no opportunity for me at all. And therein lies the assurance of an Unhappy Life.
These
days and for decades now, I lean into risk. I still don’t like it. Many
tears are still shed, or sleepless nights suffered when failure comes
about, but the difference is that I’m willing to experience those
negative emotions to better savor the positive ones. And with each set
back, I cry less; I sleep more, and I realize when all is said and done,
I will be okay.
I will be okay because I am
living my best life right now, embracing the possibility of failure for
the glory in the achievement of success. That thought alone makes me
happy today.